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Hey.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
No shit.
If you’ve got the ability to ruin a person’s future, the world is yours, right?
Right.
It’s not that hard to pressure people for something you want, once the power is in your hands.
Take Arthur Herbert Miller, University of Iowa college professor. He’s being charged with allegedly coercing at least four women to bare their breasts in exchange for better grades.
You know, the timeless plot device found in just about every single porn flick.
Sure, it worked for a while, but he got caught.
Amateurs always get caught.
Next time you’re mad with power, and want to make a few people suffer, give these tips a try, and you’ll be sure to stave off a trip to prison:
1) Work with someone who is disposable - Let’s hypothesize, and say that someone stole Stephany’s house in the middle of the night while she was away. Just hooked up a tractor trailer and pulled that sucker right off the foundation.
Who’s gonna make the call to extort the crazy dame?
Not you.
Cops analyze that shit. You’ll be farming that out to some dumb vagrant.
Who’s gonna meet Stephany in the back alley of a Denny’s to collect the bribe money required to return her house?
Again, the vagrant.
Who’s sitting in the bushes with a sack filled with barbed wire and a deadly aim with a blow gun?
You. One dart lands in your accomplice’s neck after the transaction, or if the shit hits the fan.
One hits Stephany if she spots you.
2) Frame them - People are less likely to tell on you if you’re copping cheap feels on some comely co-ed’s hushpuppies if they’re sitting in hot water, themselves.
Again, let’s use Stephany as a guide.
Say you had some pretty steamy photos of a children’s author getting to know her young readers on – let’s say a more intimate basis.
With those Polaroids in hand, you can demand that she smuggle frozen ovaries for you for as long as you wish. One peep out of her little saucy mouth, and she’ll have the authorities so far up her ass, she’ll be shitting policemen for weeks.
3) Fake your death - Dead people can extort all they want. Again, with the help of your friendly neighborhood vagrant, dress them up, remove their head, arms and legs, and set them on fire.
As long as your wallet and clothes are on the stiff, you’ll have enough to make it look like you’re a maggot snack, which will give you all the time you need to extort the innocent!
Now, go out there and get some bribes!
- Linus is a world renowned mime artist whose productions “She Walks with Ghosts”, and “Sleep” have won him several international awards, such as the Deburau Prize He also served fifteen years in Oregon State Penitentiary for grand larceny. He trained in Paris at the International School of Corporeal Mime and will beat up anyone who has a problem with it.
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