Ask a Pirate Column Archives

Ever wondered how a pirate looks at the world?

Need a good cure for scurvy? What's the best way into the pants of a tasty wench? Just what is the best way to make good 'ol grog?

Your answers and much, much more are just a click away with our Ask a Pirate archive featuring our resident pirate, Melvin.

Got a question for Melvin? Odds are, he's got an answer for you! Ask away by clicking here!

In the meantime, check out the ever expanding archive:

Ask a Pirate - Getting Married, Staying Buried, and Feeling Harried!!!

Ask a Pirate - Leeches, Peaches, and Nietzsche!!!

Ask a Pirate - Ghosts, Toasts, and Boasts!!!

Ask a Pirate - Pirate Songs, Duel Ducking, and Avoiding Bad Breath!!!

Ask a Pirate - Seance, Hugs, and Scurvy!!!

Ask a Pirate - Adapting to Technology, Ship Names, and Lasting Longer in the Bedroom!!!

Ask a Pirate - Free Drinks, Get a Lass to be More Than Friends, and How to Make a Proper Pirate Flag!!!

Ask a Pirate - On Sunburns, Keelhauling, and Office Romance!!!

Ask a Pirate - On Rejection, Becoming a First Mate, and Curses!!!

Ask a Pirate - On 'Ninjas vs. Pirates,' Punishing Children, and Whether or not to Purchase a Parrot

Ask a Pirate - The Challenges of Being a Pirate, Anger Management, and Online Dating

Ask A Pirate - Hollywood, and Other Nefarious Stuff

Ask a Pirate - A Cup of Grog for the Soul

And look! Melvin isn't the only source for advice on tontoandfriends.com. Check out one of our many informative, funny, and helpful(?) articles:

Celebrate Independence Day the Homeless Way - Party like a bum!!!
by Slocomb Jones

Fun Ways to Survive the Gas Crisis - Linus would know!!!
by Linus, the Angry Mime

Why You, Yes You, Should Give Necco Wafers a Chance - How bad can they be?!!
by Linus, the Angry Mime

Tattoo Ideas for The Uninspired - Go on... get some ink!!!
by Linus, the Angry Mime