WOMEN IN HISTORY I WOULD LOVE IN A HEARTBEAT

By The Schmooz - theschmooz@hotmail.com

Hey there, ghosts and goblins!

October is a month of reminiscence. The mind reflects on what might have been had one’s life taken a few different turns.

Now, I’m not saying that your old pal, The Schmooz, has any regrets. Far from it, fair readers. I’ve been living large and loving the world over. My life is a dream.

But I wonder, just wonder, what my life would have been like if this Sultan of Sex, this Conquistador of the Climax, this Lord of Lust would have been born in a different time?

Would I still be able to spread my love and music to the population? Would the people of the past break free of societal restraints and groove until the springs break?

More importantly, would I be able to love the women in the past I’ve always wanted to love?

Let’s face it, readers. We all make mental lists of the partners we would do anything and everything to face flesh to flesh. The difference between your list and my list is that there’s nobody here on earth today I couldn’t share an afternoon with, you dig?

So, my list below is about those fine feminine creatures who loved loving before my time.

7) Billie Holiday - My god, what a gorgeous woman! I’d make sure the only thing she was addicted to was love and making sweet music. I’ve always had a soft spot for women with a troubled past. And, we’d do a whole bunch of duets – me, on her jazz albums, and she could sing with me on my songs. Oh, Billy, I miss you, girl.



6) Mata Hari - Dutch exotic dancer. Those three words alone would make the blood pump for any sexual creature. Mata was one fine sensual beast, let me tell you. I’d pretend to be some industrial millionaire, and we’d be swapping spit before my martini was empty.



5) Collette - This was a woman after my own heart, who loved everything and everyone she could. Not to mention a pretty good writer. She could write a ballet based on one of my songs, something like “Sexual Taffy.” Hell, she could even make out with one of her female lovers. The Schmooz is not the jealous kind, you dig?



4) Anne Boleyn - Again, the mojo heats up for a woman with some power. She was the brains behind a lot of Henry VII’s formation of the Church of England. Also, she had three breasts!



3) Mary Magdalene - I hear she does a great foot rub, and I’ve always had a place in my heart for sexy cats with red hair. Any of you carrot top ladies out there, holla!

2) Aphrodite - The very goddess of love herself. I’ve always wanted to meet her and thank her in person for this holy and remarkable gift. I think I’d sing her one of my guaranteed panty-melters, a little “Push a little harder, Baby” , and we’d be tussling and grinding up in the clouds for sure.



1) Cleopatra - Nothing is as attractive to the Schmooz as a woman who has plenty of power. Under my loving embraces, I’d make her forget all about that Mark Antony fellow, and give her the strength needed to keep her throne. Also, I’d use a little sexual therapy to make sure she never tried anything freaky like having a poisonous snake nip her in the breast.



Any historical people you’d like to crease the sheets with? Email me.

- Reginald Thurgood is known to his legions of fans as "THE SCHMOOZ," an international Rhythm and Blues singing sensation who has made love to thousands of women across the planet and loves to share every poetic detail. He answers all questions on love and relationship...as he is an expert, baby.

NOTE: If you liked this article, bust a move over to Your Fun Guide to Giving Women Gifts, The Best Xmas Songs to Put you in the Mood, and Guide to Giving Some Loving to Those Behind Bars!