TontoandFriends.com

Hey there, pilgrims and Indians! Your pal, the Schmooz is back, relaxed and refreshed from a lovely holiday. When it comes to loving, I’m a man of all tastes; dark meat, light meat – I’ll eat whatever morsels of delight approach my eager lips. And I am always a grateful guest when love comes to visit! In short, I have had an excellent life. My music career is just where I wanted it to be, my coffers have enough scratch to keep the blues far, far away, and the women are always around, dear readers. But I’m no fool, ya dig? I know there’s loads of lovers out there who have barely enough to keep themselves moving, or those who’ve had all their freedoms taken clean away. I’m talking about those residents at the Grey Bar Motel. I’m talking about people who did their wrongs and now have nobody to love them and little to do, locked away like a secret in a diary. And despite their crimes, solitude is a cruel, cruel state. Being alone just makes you crazier, and more likely to commit more crimes. I got to thinking these thoughts when I was shopping online for the right card to express my love for my grandmother, Odessa. She’s been inside all my life for running a brothel/heroin ring out of her boarding house. Very smart lady – she’ll kick your butt in a game of prison Scrabble without breaking a sweat. And, just when I was thinking that no greeting card could even come close to the words and love that I felt for this wonderful woman, I came across Three Squares Greetings. Now, I’ve heard a lot of people be outright rude to this company for marketing cards to individuals who are incarcerated, but that ain’t right. If you’ve learned anything from me, dear readers, you know that the Schmooz has told you time and time again that everyone, and I mean everyone - needs loving. And I’m not just giving you jive, ya dig? I practice what I preach. Along with visiting my grandmother every two weeks, I also embark on a variety of volunteer work designed to keep up the libidos and spirits of those men and women who can only dream of soft, Egyptian cotton sheets and the unbridled joy of tension and release. 1)Prison Pen Pals - You’re scared of visited your local prison? I dig. It can take a bit of adjustment. That’s why I recommend starting small, and using this site to find a pen pal and write them a letter. Because, really, letter writing is one of those arts that more and more people should get back in their system. You’re not gonna melt the panties off of a lover with a plain ole email, ya dig? I write all my letters with the finest calligraphy pen possible on high quality paper. It makes my readers feel appreciated, and it gets those clothes off twice as fast! If you don’t know what to write about, ask them to send them the best erotica they can think of and put on the paper. With a little coaching, some of my prison pen pals have gone on to create lucrative letters for some high profile gentlemen’s periodicals! 2) Volunteer at your local prison - It can be as little or as much time there as you want. Help out in the library. Lead a writing workshop. Be a mentor for someone about to be paroled. Me, I offer sex education tips for inmates, along with advice on how to make the most out of conjugal visits. Plus, I also do plenty of free concerts and songwriting classes as well. Every little bit helps. A prisoner who feels like they’re a valuable human being is somebody who won’t be kneecapping you with a sledgehammer just to take your wallet. Any other tips on how to help the men and women in orange? Email me! THE SCHMOOZ - Reginald Thurgood is known to his legions of fans as "THE SCHMOOZ," an international Rhythm and Blues singing sensation who has made love to thousands of women across the planet and loves to share every poetic detail. He answers all questions on love and relationship...as he is an expert, baby.