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By The Schmooz Hey there, silver bells and fig puddings! Here we are, waist deep in the love and tenderness of the holiday season. Where candy canes play a role in luscious, sensual exploration, and stockings are hung nice and high for all to see. The sad thing, my readers, is that a lot of you can get pretty depressed around this time as well. It’s a lover’s season, and if you’re not fortunate enough to be sipping hot chocolate cheek-to-cheek with that special someone, not even the jolliest of the jolly can bring a smile to your face. That’s why you’ll find The Schmooz working his hardest this holiday season: playing concert after concert, spreading my love and joie de vivre like a cup of cheer. I am determined to help as many of the lonely this month as humanly possible. My heart is open, and my loins are flexed and limber, preparing to sing their welcome Christmas carols into the flesh of all who sorrow! Now, the biggest slap of sadness most of you face has got to be the annual holiday party at the office. An office is like a family – you don’t get a lot of say over who gets to be there, and there’s enough passive-aggressive rage, backstabbing, and unbridled alcoholism to make you feel like you’re dancing in a mine field, you dig? I’ve been invited to quite a few of these affairs over the years, and I’d like to pass on my time-tested advice on how to separate yourself from the pack and guarantee you some sweet holiday loving before the night is over: 1)When it comes to mistletoe, take care - Truth is, despite our romantic feelings about this strange plant, mistletoe is really just the leech of the plant world. It sucks everything good out of a tree. Likewise, mistletoe in the wrong context can drain all the joy out of kissing at an office party. Any fool can stick it up on the doorway when guests enter the party and demand unwanted affections. It takes a real lover to spend months and months growing your own mistletoe, and bring the bush with you to the party. As you water the mistletoe, lovers will flock to you like flies to a barbeque. A green thumb guarantees you hot and steady loving. 2)Find the office wallflower and have a blast - You’ll recognize that unique breed of lover; sitting apart from the group. Looking put together, but a little bit lost and lonely. Introduce yourself, and tell them how sick you are of all the people at the party, and how you want to mess with them and make them think you’re having way more fun they then are. Tell this shy and quiet lover that, in three seconds’ time, you’ll start laughing wildly, pretending they just told you the funniest joke ever. Then, it’ll be their turn to laugh at you. Keep this up until the dancing starts and then make a scene. It seems really silly, lovers, but I swear to you, as an artist, this will melt the heart of your garden variety wallflower and bring their loving senses to the core. You’ll be hitting the sheets with them before midnight! 3)The Quickest Way to A Lover’s Heart - Of course, I am referring to the stomach. By and large, most food at office parties is forgettable at best and an intestinal hurricane at worst. Shake up the group and surprise them by showing up with a full-fledged fondue bar. Bring an assortment of breads, cheeses and rich, rich chocolates, and spoon your savory concoctions into the mouths of all who desire. Save some chocolate sauce for later; one or two of those satisfied lovers will be sure to help you find some yuletide uses for it. Any other tips to bring forth the loving at your next office party? Email me! THE SCHMOOZ - Reginald Thurgood is known to his legions of fans as "THE SCHMOOZ," an international Rhythm and Blues singing sensation who has made love to thousands of women across the planet and loves to share every poetic detail. He answers all questions on love and relationship... as he is an expert, baby.