Hooray for explosions!
As you all know, we recently shot down a satellite that was falling back down to Earth.
Wait a second, I thought there wasn’t any gravity in space, right? That’s why it’s called space!
Trust me, I’m thinking the exact same thing: Why did we really shoot down that satellite?!
The official report was that the satellite had toxic fuel that could be harmful if humans encountered it.
Since when do we care about a little ocean pollution?
What are we covering up?
What was truly on that satellite?
I think I know!
Or at least I’ve narrowed it down to what it most likely was hiding:
1. Research done by New England Patriots – As any football fan knows, the New England Patriots are cheaters. And like all American cheaters, they prospered.
It seems highly coincidental to me that the Patriots (hint, hint) started doing well once the Iraq War began. An obvious sub conscious move to have the “Patriots” doing well at a time of war.
Also, Tom Brady was an invited guest at the 2004 State of the Union address.
It’s plain to me that the government was using spy satellite technology to help them spy on other teams, thus giving them an unfair advantage. Unfortunately, the proof was in the satellite.
2. The “really” dirty pictures from Google Earth – There’s some pretty crazy stuff going on in the US. All you need to discover it is a few hours and some quality time with Google Earth.
It's no secret that they want to protect us from ourselves... if people are boinking up on rooftops and in concealed (except from above) alleyways, I want to see it!
3. All those damn Wii’s – Our economy is about one thing: supply and demand. No supply… the prices go up. We’re supposed to believe that after a year of them being out, that Nintendo can’t stock the damn shelves with new Wii’s?
I don’t buy it. Looks like I'm not the only one.
Nintendo is ripping us off by hiding all those Wii’s in space!
4. Ron Paul’s Votes – Here’s what I don’t get? Ron Paul raises more money than any other candidate, has this huge young person support thing going, and can’t muster more than 5% of the vote?
Doesn’t sound right to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not endorsing the guy, but I do endorse conspiracy and democracy, so I’m wondering where all his votes went?
My guess is that they were hidden up there in that satellite safe from everyone… except for hackers, who make up most of his fan base.
It was only a matter of time before someone found those votes. No wonder it was shot down. Wouldn’t surprise me if McCain was behind it.
5. ET Games – Ah yes, the old Atari 2600 ET game. The biggest flop in video game history. I remember (which surprises me) getting so high with… shoot, I don’t remember with who now… and playing the new ET game for Atari.
That game sucked worse than a Dead concert with no LSD.
In response, Atari supposedly buried the games in the desert.
Nice try. They sent those bastard wastes of plastic where they belonged… in outer “phone home” space.
When word got out that the satellite containing all those games was on its way back down, Atari had to act fast to keep any evidence of their colossal failure off this planet.
6. Jimmy Hoffa – Anytime there’s a conspiracy, I always think of Jimmy Hoffa. On that rule alone, it wouldn’t surprise me if he was piloting that satellite and decided to come home to pick up a royalty check from his movie.
The government couldn’t stand for this, and did what they’d been trying to do for decades… they shot him down.
Isn’t it obvious!
- Bustamante is the current Tennis instructor at a swanky Newport Beach, Ca. country club/yacht club. Not much is known about Bustamante except that he taught junior high math for a period of time in the 80’s, and that he’s pretty phenomenal with a hackysack. He was good enough to go pro, but corporate sponsorship just wasn’t there for the sport to get off the ground in the mid 70’s.
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