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by Stephany Ericson - stephany.ericson@hotmail.com

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2 - The percentage chance that Japan would win Softball Gold
0 - The combined intellect of the International Olympic Committee
1 - The minimum Number Olympiad Softball will be absent as a sport
6 - The number of ridiculous, insanely stupid, vapid, expensive other sports that will STILL be played in lieu of softball at subsequent Olympics. Add it all together dear readers and you get the year 2016 - which is the earliest that Softball can be reinstated as an Olympic Sport.

You may be saying, “Stephany, so what… softball is lame. It’s all small ball, they wear shorts, and it’s played by girls.”

To which I say two things:

1.) Why are you speaking out loud to a columnist from your computer?
2.) You are an idiot with no discernible intelligence. have you considered running for President, or joining the International Olympic Committee perhaps?

On this planet right now there are 3.5 BAJILLION girls whose Olympic dreams are being crushed. They’ve seen their country’s team fall to the U.S., and still they want to be Olympic Softball players. And now, they will not get that chance.

The most used reason by the IOC to remove Olympic Softball from the docket of sports was that the U.S. was too dominant. Mike Candrea, the Head Coach of Softball USA quickly showed his disagreement with this contention by losing the Gold medal game to Japan.

Good Job, Mike! As for you readers and your argument that it’s all small ball…puleeeze

Played by girls? Hmmph, can you throw like this? Can you fill a uniform like this?

Well… not to belabor a point... but regardless of the U.S. former dominance in this sport, it should continue as an Olympic sport! Basketball was once dominated by the U.S., but it was kept as an Olympic sport… just so that everyone could keep improving their game, thereby raising the level of competition around the world.

Then in 1972 the CCCP, or Soviet Union, beat the US in the Gold Medal match in a game marred by what Albert Einstein would have called “spooky refereeing at a distance.”

Now many teams have their own traveling referees and the game is more competitive overall.

When the US dominates… everyone benefits. Who makes the best automobiles on the planet? The Japanese and the Germans. We crushed them both in basketball and water polo… and armed conflict.

Don’t remember that? Here is a refresher course.

Now, as promised I’ll list the six sports that WILL be in the Olympics instead of Softball.

1. BMX - uh huh….Bicycle moto-cross…cuz every kid has a $3000 dollar bike, a trailer full of tools, extra parts, AND a professionally designed and manicured course to ride on after school.
2. Men's Field Hockey - Ummm… I played this in High School. In a skirt.
3. Karate - Sooooo distinct from Taekwondo.
4. Squash - Can’t wait to see how they fit cameras in the court… oh yeah… it won’t matter cuz NBC won’t televise it anyway. Or if they do it will be 20 hours later.
5. Sailing - The only sport with snobby players… and dress code.
6. Table Tennis - A sport EVEN more dominated by the Chinese than Softball or basketball is by the US. Next Olympics in London… perhaps the home country sport of Fish and Chips will be included so that the Brits can win a Gold Medal.

Not if Michael Phelps has anything to do with it… For now, I want you all to go play some softball and when you do speak in a LOUD British Accent.

- Stephany Ericson is an award winning author of children’s books such as “You Beat That on Expert?” “Momma Don’t Dance and Daddy is a Mime,” and “Artist Schmartist - GO GET A JOB!”) Raised in Pacoima, Ohio by loving grandparents, educated in the Arab Emirates, and employed for 17 years by Art’s Pastry Shack, she brings to her readers sugar coated, heart warming stories of redemption all wrapped in a non-traditional Burqua.

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