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Dearest Readers of Sports on Stephany,
Today’s article marks my 46th with Tontoandfriends.com. 46 is a number dear to my heart. It was the number of total goals my High School Field Hockey team scored in the Ohio State Tournament; it is the number of nieces and nephews I have; and of course it is the number of happy pills I have left until tomorrow’s visit to Rite Aid.
All sports are about numbers. The number of “0’s” in the contract that your agent secures for you, the number of Escalades you have in your garage(s), the number of table settings needed at dinner for you posse’. And yes... the number of catches, TD’s, home runs, goals, assists, stones curled, etc. that one can compile per season.
We are a nation of stat loving Sports Freaks!
With that in mind, coupled with the brevity and levity of the recent “COMIC” trend here at Tonto and Friends, let’s go behind the edifice’s of some recent big numbers in the world of sports (what is the plural of edifice? Edifixen? Edifeces? Ediflogs?).
Four Score and Three plus Two
Chad Johnson of the fearsome Cincinnati Bengals
football club… the TOP PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM in all of Ohio… has recently changed his name. His choice of new name is brilliant, in one fell swoop capturing not only the iconic number of the year that the greatest football team ever Shuffled into the Super Bowl, but also his very own uniform # and, by a curious coincidence, his IQ score.
Go 85!! Go, Ocho Cinco, Go!
Repechage
Another top sports figure has also recently made changes to his appearance. He was once dressed in the colors of Fall… but found that he liked them only when there was no scrutiny upon his unique style of playing baseball.
So, he changed to the blues of West Coast mediocrity where style is much more highly valued over his shallow substance. He should do just fine. His numbers have been among the best in all of baseball... he has lead the league for years in misplayed balls to left field, base-running gaffes, and on field pizza ordering.
Here he points to his smallest organ.
It’s way up there.
The New Math
For the last decade, one team in baseball has dominated like no other. Many teams got close, but not even one franchise could duplicate the absolute craptastic record of the former Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Last place or worse every year of their existence.
Over 100 losses a few times… just awful. But, again... with a change… this time of name… things are looking better. Now the Tampa Bay Rays are among the best in all of baseball. And their fans are showing their love.
Just look!
Can you imagine the noise? Like an encore at a Milli Vanilli show!
Way to go FANS OF TAMPA BAY!!
Ciao4now,
OneHundredSitxyThree
- OneHundredSitxyThree is an award winning author of children’s books such as “You Beat That on Expert?”, “Momma Don’t Dance and Daddy is a Mime” and “Artist Schmartist GO GET A JOB!”) Raised in Pacoima, Ohio by loving grandparents, educated in the Arab Emirates, and employed for 17 years by Art’s Pastry Shack she brings to her readers sugar coated, heart warming stories of redemption all wrapped in a non-traditional Burqua.
NOTE: If you liked this sportular (just invented a new word!) account, there's more in our Sports Archives. If you liked it and have had enough sports for one day, there's plenty going on in our Political Archives. Finally, you can check out the Comics that OneHundredSitxyThree was talking about in our Internet Article Archive!!!
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